I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
