Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is wine microwaveable?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
