Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
