This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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