My hand turned me down
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
