I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
