A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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