Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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