You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
