I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
