so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
