Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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