I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
