I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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