bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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