i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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