Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
