Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
