If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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