it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize