I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
