thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize