Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
