I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
