Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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