you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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