I looked at my own cervix.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
