Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
