OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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