all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
