You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
