this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
