my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
