all she had left on were here heels. phone five
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
