through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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