You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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