I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
