hotel room ftw
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
