It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
