cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my being single is dangerous.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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