I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
