My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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