You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
