it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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