Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Couch. On fire.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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