Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
