Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
