Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
