I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
