My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
