Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
