fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
