Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
