He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize