and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
