I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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