Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So vagazzling was a success
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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