I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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