He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
