I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
