I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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