I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
