I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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