everyone is single if you try hard enough
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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