Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
