If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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