im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize