it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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