so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
