I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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