I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
