I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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