I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
