i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just found puke in my bra..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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