Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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