saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
