So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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