Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
