I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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