thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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