OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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