I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize